Mindful Drivel Week in Review: Super Mega Deluxe Edition

It's been one hell of a week here at TeH Drivel, I must say.

Monday:
I posted the meaning of life, and explained the celestial importance of washing behind your ears when in the shower.

a long debate was held in the comment section. I think we all learned a lot about ourselves that day.


Tuesday:
I used a Ouija Board to summon the spirit of Jam Master Jay(Of Run DMC fame), but accidentally contacted Old Dirty Bastard(Wu-Tang). ODB said that only I had the power to save Hip Hop. He went into this long soliloquy about needing to find "the one" and having to chop rapper's heads off with a sword.

I gather that he must have really liked The Matrix, and like me, was a big fan of anything Highlander. I tried to get in touch with Tupac to get this theory on things going on right now, but his Answering machine picked up.

My sources in Cuba tell me be likes the MD merch, but can't order any of it because the US Government would be after him for still being alive. Perhaps I've said to much...


Wednesday:
Yesterday was Spoiler Wednesday here at Da Drivel. This year I spoiled the following:

Monk series finale

Every Christmas and hanukkah gift for people living on the East coast

The glass of milk your children were drinking at school yesterday

My friend's car

Any chance of there not being another war because i lost my cool and flipped off a guy who looked a lot like Kim Jong Il a few weeks ago.

I'm taking a week long sabbatical, so no new posts till Monday after next. if you missed all of that stuff form earlier in the week, yo should have subscribed. If you did subscribe but still missed out, you should really try to Lurk Moar. This week was very eventful. For all who actually took the time to read those posts, Much love goes out to ye'.


Before I go, is THIS your card?

Phase 3 of my plot for world domination begins here.

OMG OMG OMG!



*points*

See that? It's official Mindful Drivel themed merch!! *gasp!*

Zazzle is an online retailer that allows users to customize sell shirts, mugs and other item sand sell them in the sites marketplace.. It was founded in 1999 by some buy who was born with teh last name "Beaver." That's how you know it was destined for success.

Mindful Drivel Apparel has been online for three days now. I'm adding new designs daily because:

A.) I've got a pretty expansive catalog of stretches and character art I've been drawing since I was but a wee Drivel. Most of them seem usable, with slight retouches here and there. The stuff that isn't usable comes from when I first discovered just how much I like breasts.



Seriously, I've got about three sketch pads full of pictures like that. I could be sitting on a gold mine. These pics will be worth millions after I fake my own death, right? Isn't that how the pros cash in?

B.) I always enjoy browsing online stores like Treadless and TopatoCo. The designs on those two sites alone has given me approximately 4 butt loads worth of ideas. that's a whole lot of ideas.

And C.) I have a growing library of royalty free images that need to be put to good use.

Royalty free, WooT!


Featured design: Fat Squirrel.

All Fat Squirrel items are customizable. You can add whatever text you like before purchasing. For the record, I have unofficially dubbed it Butterball the Squirrel. You don't HAVE TO put that on the bumper sticker, but it would be one of the better ways to go if you were to add anything to it.


http://www.zazzle.com/mindful_drivel*

Holiday greets and whatnot.

November 11th is veteran's day. This is said to be one of the most unappreciated holiday in existence. People who say this have obviously never ever heard of National Wear Your Underwear on the Outside Day.



Can't fault them for thinking that though. Especially since I just made it up three months ago, and haven't yet gotten word from those lazy bums in Congress about making this whole shebang legal. If private nudity can get you inn trouble with the cops nowadays(previous post, can't be arsed to link to it myself), there's no telling what will happen to amateur super heroes.

Why is there no Slain Civilians Day? There should be a holiday dedicated to those innocent souls who perished because they were only guilty of just trying to live their lives, while their homeland was made into a warzone over some bullshit...

...It's just an idea...Happy Veterans day.

Decloaking, and setting phasers to Stun.

I've been in hiding for the past few days. I may have forgotten to either meet or pick someone up at either a school, or the airport. They might have been between the ages of 12 and 97. Also, they could have been in need of assistance getting into or out of the vehicle if I remembered to get them.

Can't be sure if they were closer to 12 or 97, because my memory is shot. I know for a fact that the people who requested that I play the role of wheel man in this real life reenactment of driving miss Daisy, are pissed that I flaked and refuse to show my face in public so they can pummel it in retaliation.

Don't ask me how I forgot a person of all things. I've got a lot on my mind as of late. There's a lot of angst ridden fools that tend to get in the way...Here's the deal: if people stop flipping me off on the freeway, maybe I'll stop leering at them from the passenger side of my friend's Honda. It's not my fault he drives like the car is experiencing 2x gravity,and the cops are always watching(they are, but I have nothing to worry about...maybe...)



BTW, the store(Mindful Drivel Apparel) will be online sometime next week. People tell me that T-Shirt money comes easier than freelance writing money. It'll be interesting to see how true this is.

It's time to regroup.

Yes! Not unlike a moody teenager, Mindful Drivel has entered puberty. In place of zits, the color scheme is different. Instead of facial hair, it sprouted an extra column.

Mindful Feng Shui = Near perfect.

In other news: I'm putting myself on a pitch count until further notice. Think of me as blogging's Joba Chamberlain, only without a swarm of locusts following me around like it's feeding season before the plague hits. Just realized that a lot of my posts are long as hell, thus a pain in the ass to read when I'm looking for my own home grown inspiration.

It's time to trim the fat, and get rid of the unneeded fluff. I'm going back the the essence of what I wanted to do with this blog, as opposed to what I thought would be the popular thing to do. Still want the fluff? Follow me on Twitter and you'll be able to get your fill, 140 characters at a time.

This isn't a humor blog. I really like reading and (sometimes)commenting on humor blogs. I don't currently maintain one myself at the moment. M.D. is just a personal blog by a guy who, at times, makes funny remarks and has been known in the past to be quite humorous. Mindful Dribble would have been a humor blog. I'd have at least a years worth of posts dedicated to Manu Ginobilii pimp slapping the hell out of that Bat on Halloween, during the Spurs game. This blog is more therapeutic in nature.

The Disqus experiment is a failure. I like Disqus, I really do. It's not as straight forward as Wordpress's comment form, but it was the closest thing I could find. Disqus doesn't have any kind of community what so ever as far as I've seen. Siliconera is a pretty popular video game news blog. Other than that, Not that may people appear to be using the thing. If they stopped focusing on adding facebook, yahoo and other crap people don't really need to integrate, and instead made their site feel like a community of some sort with a directory, maybe I would have been able to interact with the 6 other bloggers who also enjoy it.

It also wasn't dofollow(no "link love" as some people like to say). Which kinda defeats the purpose of me wanting to make commenting easier for non blogger users. I hope the uninstall process doesn't take forever...

Fuck what I want though. If anything in this flawed as fuck world made sense, Enron wouldn't have tipped over and spilled it's assets into the ocean, because I'd be CEO of the company.

Five paragraphs is my new, unofficial, maximum from here on, out. Don't bother pointing out that I went over my limit in this post. I'm no longer in school, so basic math means nothing to me anymore.

Bluh.

SpookyDrivel: Special Halloween Sale - half off all severed anuses

Halloween is only a few days away. Odds are, you're decorations suck more than than...

*name of pornstar here*

*name of overrated athlete here*

*name of nationally televised Hover competitor competitor here*

You need to get yourself an upgrade. If you don't, you run the risk of ruining this wonderful holiday. All because you were too stingy to spend a few extra thousand bucks on quality decorations that would really impress and scare the snot nosed brats who'll be knocking down your door on the 31'st of this month. I present unto you:


The Limited funding I had left from running that M-Bay Exchange Promotion went toward opening the world's greatest niche convenience store, Hore-Shack. The moron in the bunny suit is only on payroll because he won't leave unless I give him thinly sliced cheese at noon every day..

As with any new business, I've attracted my fair share of uninformed goobers who which to doubt greatness.

Child Hating human being #674:
But, I've already set up my Halloween decorations why should I pay you an undisclosed amount of cash for items that are super cool to the max, when this cheap crap I have now works just fine?

What you got, pumpkins with candles inside? Kids today are walking to school with flame throwers in their backpacks. Our Inferno Melons will not only work better at lighting your driveway at night, they also detonate upon tampering.



Don't worry folks, Joe Dash(professional stunt dog) survived the initial blast. He's made a full recovery, and is back and better than ever. At least he was okay, until he slid on the wet kitchen floor, banged his head into a sliding glass door, then burst into flames a split second after licking his own crotch. Super Dave Osborne told me he does that every few months, just to deal with fleas and ticks.

Why Super Dave has a flea and tick problem is beyond me.

Some dude who likes to phone it in during the Holiday season:
I got this cool compact disc with spooky noises and sound effects on it. What can you provide me as an alternative?

What the...Is this punk serious? You wanna step to me with some lame sound effect CD bullshit!?!? Boy, if I weren't a pacifist...You have no idea....

As a business man with ties to underground drug lords, the only thing I can legally do is offer you the deal of a lifetime. For just $50, a cherry coke, and a pack of skittles, I can get one of the original members of Destiny's Child to camp out on top of your roof. She'll cackle, cry because nobody remembers her name, give you and neighbors real time weather updates, etc.

On sale now:



E.B. Bazooka.
Yes, it does look like this rocket launcher is loaded with live ammunition. Sure, it probably should be illegal for civilians to own such dangerous weaponry. Know what else should be illegal? having your home egged and toilet papered by teenagers who want to be rebels, yet probably don't have the brain cells to spell it, due to all the black tar heroin.

Those aren't bullets, in case you were wondering. They are actually big pieces of candy corn left over from Easter. Because of the lack of serial number on this thing, I can charge no less than 50 butterfingers for it...Walk in with a case of 5th Avenue candy bars, and I'll throw in the military grade Helicopter that goes with it.

Also....

Mo.Fo. 6,000.
This animatronic monstrosity is the culmination of someone elses life work. I won a rousing game of "hat's That Smell(it was me all along.) and won the blue prints from the poor sap who created it.

What can IT do? No idea. The instruction manual is written in Gaelic. I believe that's the politically correct way of saying chicken scratch.. All that matters is he plays guitar, and has over 40 USB ports! Only downside is, most of those are near his rectum, and it's really unpleasant back there. First 50 orders come with a free gas mask.

SPECIAL: Every purchase earns you ten seconds in the dark, smelly and generally unsafe room in the back of my store where I keep the Crimson Grab Bag. Many have walked away winners. Most walked away in serious need of a tetanus shot afterward, but they were all winners none the less.



P.S.
That banner is indeed a typo. It's a typo that can't be corrected till my lease is up, which should be about three days from now(act fast!).

We asked for a another "O", two extra "R's" and a hyphen that didn't look like a skid mark in some guys trousers. We were instead, for some reason, given a baby Jesus.

The inept sign company suggested I stop complaining, and just put a sheet over his head or something. I don't think a Baby Klansman Jesus would go over too well with the majority of my customers, so you'll have to excuse the out of placeitude of the little fella.

Pray to him in hopes that nothing licks you while reaching into the Crimson Grab Bag.

Private nekkidness is frowned upon, apparently.

First, I warned everybody of the dangers of taking a dump in planes, now I'm forced to warn people of a possible all out ban on showing your privates in private.

Eric Williamson was making coffee in his kitchen Monday morning and didn’t think anything of the fact that he was nude since he was alone in the house, according to WTTG-TV.

Yeah, wait for the bullshit to happen right about...

But a woman and her 7-year-old son happened to be strolling through his front yard and saw the 29-year-old having breakfast in the buff through his window.

First of all, mind your own bloody bee's wax, and stop window shopping whenever you walk by somebodies house. It's just that simple. Don't fault the guy for wanting to have some natural light shining on his member, while drinking coffee and reading the paper.

They called the cops on Williamson and he was arrested for indecent exposure,

Damnit. Do you understand why I'm so ticked off about this? It happened in Virginia. I'm no map wiz or anything, but I can probably walk a few miles from my house and end up in Virginia. I don't have to swallow a compose to find my way, but it just so happens I did during a nasty accident while at a merit badge acceptance ceremony when I was a lad..

The Scouts said they'd get back to me when they got around to creating a "thanks for not suing" badge in my honor. Haven't heard shit from those twig eating freaks yet.

This really sucks. Because of some nosy chick who was paying more attention to the items in somebodies house, than the number of times her kid almost fell down a manhole during their walk, I must live in fear every time I decide that today should be Naked French Toast Day, whether or not I have a willing female participant in the house that morning.

I hate having my freedoms taken away. Rawr!

[NY Daily]